“The Strangest Interview Request”

*Names and Company have been changed

Dear Tyler,

My name is Jon Smith, District Sales Manager for San Diego and the Southern California area for CONNECT Systems Inc. I noticed you recently updated your resume online. It appears that you may have the professional experience we are looking for.

CONNECT Systems recently expanded its service capabilities with the launch of a new product that is proving to be a significant growth opportunity for our company and its representatives. We are hiring Account Executives and Territory Managers for San Diego, Temecula, and the surrounding areas. The positions involve outside sales. I have included a couple links to company information – our corporate website and an online video:

Career opportunities: (url removed)
Online video: (url removed)

I am interested in speaking with you about setting up an initial interview in our District Office in San Diego. The one caveat: I am only interviewing through this next Tuesday, February 22nd. I have to make some decisions by February 24th for our corporate training program that starts on the 25th. Unfortunately, it was not until today that I saw your resume.

If our position interests you, it is necessary that you meet with me promptly at one of these exact times listed below for an initial interview. If you are available to meet the beginning of next week, please follow the instructions below:

1. Select a date and time you are available to interview.

Monday February 21, 2011 at 11:00am or 2:00pm
Tuesday February 22, 2011 at 9:00am, 11:00am, or 2:00pm

2. E-mail your selection to (to insure the receipt of your date and time selection, please be sure to e-mail separately to the email address provided below and do not simply reply to this e-mail):

JON.SMITH@CONNECTSystems.com

When we receive your e-mail with your time choice, we will return confirmation. For now, interviewing will ONLY be conducted at the dates and times listed above.

Sincerely,

Jon Smith
District Manager
CONNECT Systems Inc.

Jon,

Would you mind answering a few questions before I move forward?

Thank you,
Tyler

Sure…

Jon

Are the people at CONNECT content in their positions? Is their room for growth?

What did you want to be when you were a kid? Why didn’t it happen? Are you OK with never achieving your goals? Does working at your company provide people with happiness? Obviously no one really wants to be in collections or sell collection services, right? I’m not specifically pointing you out of the crowd, I’m pretty sure nearly everyone is disappointed in what they do or would at least rather just have a lot of money instead of working although it seems like lottery winners manage to kill themselves more often than not.

I think it’s funny when people convince themselves that they like what they do.

“So what do you do?”

“I look at spreadsheets and click on numbers and hit the spacebar every so often…it’s really quite riveting. Every other Tuesday I give presentations to a group of people who no doubt are drifting off, most likely dreaming of sex or partying but undoubtedly not thinking about my presentation. I myself am simply reading the slides verbatim while thinking of the alcohol I’ll consume during lunch break.”

I’ll continue working I suppose, I need stuff. I guess I just “want” stuff, but you know…I’m in Gen-Y and we can’t discern between need and want as far as I can tell.

If it’s been obnoxious working with us Gen-Y people, I apologize…we’re starting to turn out weird.

Just look at all the hipsters.

So when can we meet?

Tyler

Tyler,

I must say this is the strangest interview request I have ever received…having said that, Yes I like what I do; when I was a kid a wanted to be successful and make a lot money while, at the same time having free time to enjoy it. So yes I have achieved, and continue to achieve, my life goals… people at CONNECT are happy and there is a lot of room for growth. Did I plan on selling collections services when I was younger? No, but I am proud of the fact that I recovered over a million dollars in unpaid bills for San Diego businesses this year, I didn’t plan on being able to do that when I was a kid either…

What we don’t have room for is a negative attitude, excuses and laziness – if you can assure me that you don’t possess either of traits, I would like to meet with you. If your rambling email full of off the subject tangents is not a window into your psyche, and instead is a creative way to get my attention, then I would like to meet with you.

Let me know if you are ready for a professional career and we can set something up.

Jon

Eric, I admire your outlook on life. You’re right – we almost never end up being exactly what we want as kids, but kids are stupid anyhow…why listen to anything they have to say?

“Hey kid, should I bolster my retirement plan and divert some additional funds into a Roth IRA?”

“Juicebox!”

“Exactly.”

Full transparency: your original email came off as robotic and I doubted any organic response would ensue. I get HR letters all of the time from Careerbuilder.com and half of them are for the most ridiculous positions.

“Dear Tyler, we recently reviewed your resume and are excited to speak to you about the role of FORKLIFT OPERATOR ID 3250-98. Please apply below using the following link and…”

Seriously.

I’m not crazy; I have a solid head on my shoulders and work very hard. Here’s the thing, I feel like I’ve ruined any shot of respectability with CONNECT. If you hired me wouldn’t you constantly be concerned that I was truly a crazy person?

Although it pains me to do so, I feel I must rescind your offer to work at CONNECT.

Despite this I appreciate your response. Eric, the world needs more people like you and I.

With great regard,

Tyler

Good luck Tyler…you seem like a good, honest, straightforward person…those traits are to be admired.

Jon

Thank you, Jon.

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